Leakage? I don't have no stinkin' leakage...

When they remove your catheter, 7-14 days after surgery (9 days for me), they send you home. In. A. Diaper. Thaaat's right - a diaper. I can't imagine why some men equate this surgery with losing your manhood. There's absolutely nothing emasculating about having to wear a diaper. Except there is. Totally.

Them: Here, put this on.
Me: What is it?
Them: It's a diaper.
Me: I know. I'm just trying to determine if I'm hallucinating. Do I really need to wear this?
Them: Well, you've been catheterized for 9 days, and you'll need to relearn bladder control. These will help you get home without ruining your car seat.
Me: That's very thoughtful.. Can I have a pair without Hello Kitty on them?
Them: Man up, cowboy. Here's take some of these, as well.
Me: What the hell are these?
Them: They're sanitary pads. Do you know how to use them?
Me: You may have noticed, since you just removed my catheter, that I'm not female. So, no.
Them: My apologies.
Me: S'okay, the thong probably threw you.
Them: Yes...thongs and sanitary pads are probably not the most efficient combination.
Me: Understood. I don't often get to show my junk to others while my wife is present, so I saw this happening completely different in my mind. Wrong again. Say, these things look like giant Swiffer wet mop pads. Surely I don't wear these WITH the diaper - seems like major overkill...
Them: No, the diaper is just to get you home and are recommended for sleep  periods. You can use the sanitary pads during the day - if you find you're not leaking too much, you may even want to try using one of your wife's pads since they're smaller and more comfortable. (this last part said with a smile)
Me: So my goal is to go from diapers, to sanitary pads, to my wife's female-parts pads? I actually buy those for my wife at BJ's - do I want wings or non-wings, flexi, regular or super, scented or unscented, etc...
Them: Are you being serious?
Me: I'm standing here in a diaper and thong. I'm shocked you're still paying attention to me at all.
Them: This isn't the worst I have seen.
Me: I'm not sure what you're paid, but I'm certain it's not enough.
Them: Thank you. Perhaps you could put some pants on now.
Me: We're talking about me wearing diapers and using my wife's monthly pads. We are well past the point where either of us should be embarrassed, wouldn't you say?
Them: True. But I do find the Hello Kitty print distracting.
Me: Touche'.
Peace.