What Kind of Cleaning Fluid Are You? I'm Benzene.

Can we just please all agree to stop with the Facebook quizzes? The first couple were entertaining, but I believe the "jumping the shark" level has been breached. No one cares which Dwarf you are, what kind of toe fungus you are, what kind of spice (unless you're a former Spice Girl, and then...do tell, girlfriend!!) you are, etc.. Move on, it's over, time for a new Facebook activity to eventually annoy the 99% of us that don't give damn about any of these quizzes or other activities (game-players, I'm talking to you). If I know you personally, I already know which member of the Brady Bunch you are. If I don't know you personally, I don't want to know. I mean, c'mon, does anyone really WANT to be Marsha Brady? And who would post that? I'm pretty sure whoever gets Gandalf (and why does spell-check want to turn Gandalf into "Ugandan"?) in the "What LOTR Character Are You?" quiz proudly displays their wizard class - but does anyone really post that they're Gollum? I think not.

Then there's the passive-aggressive behavior on the internet. It's like the "share if you love your son/daughter/dominatrix/etc." meme posts, with the directive to post if you also love your (insert noun here) - suggesting that those who don't share don't love their (insert noun here). Seriously - when you post those kinds of memes, it makes me wonder if the opposite is true. Not to mention the religious ones, don't even get me started on those. An omnipotent deity (note: NOT Zuckerberg) has a Facebook page (which means they also have an email address - yeah, let that one sink in for a minute) - I don't think so.

Same goes for the offline world (yes, there is one) as in bumper stickers, like: "I brake for animals". So you infer that the rest of us that don't publicly proclaim the willingness to cause a rear-end collision to save a possum are actively seeking to run them down? And I fully recognize that there are people out there who do, but I hope they're in the minority (and likely also members of Congress). It's like the "Baby on Board" placards, designed initially with the intent to alert other drivers to drive more carefully, because let's face it, except for possibly the people also trying to run down animals, NO ONE wants to injure a baby. But that's not the effect those signs have, if you're one of the people still sporting them - people will drive the same unfocused, distracted, dangerous manner that they always did - what it did was make us very wary of YOU and get as far away from you as possible. The hard truth is, if you have a newborn and/or very young child, we can assume a few things about you:

1. You haven't slept. Since your child was born. You can no longer discern any difference between the physical and dream world, since the dream world is reserved for people who actually sleep. You've basically become a zombie, replacing the flesh-eating part with a diaper-changing role. Which is a perfect segue to:
2. The odor of mustard-colored baby poop has lodged itself permanently in your nose (we can tell by the look on your face). THAT alone would make anyone irritable. AND suicidal.
3. You've lost the ability to speak conversationally with adults. Sometimes it's subtle, like slipping in words like "potty" or "sippy cup". Other times it's worse; you'll be at a business lunch and unconsciously wipe a little smudge of salad dressing from the corner of your client's mouth or wet your fingers with your saliva and try to tame that cowlick. Yeah - stop doing that. It creeps us out.
4. You've heard "The Wheels in the Bus Go Round and Round" so many times that even when it's no longer playing, you hear it. The thought of driving at high speed into a bridge abutment to make it stop occurs to you every 15 or 20 seconds. Your fellow drivers find this worrisome.

So back to the original point of this post before I went all tangential on you: please let's all agree to stop with the Facebook quizzes. Otherwise you leave me no option other than to block you. Especially if you're Marsha Brady. Or Gollum. And while we're at it, stop with the game requests. For those, I won't just block you, I'll go all Liam Neesom on you - hunt you, find you, etc. I have a very select set of skills. Peace.